From Accross The Room...Our Eyes Met.

I noticed her as soon as I entered the room. She was breathtaking. Just looking at her made my heart rate accelerate with excitement. If only I could meet her, find out her name, have a conversation with her, my life would be fulfilled.

From accross the room, our eyes met, and she smiled ever so slightly, and gave me a knowing glance, almost as if she thought she recognized me, and started to walk toward me.

My mind raced. What would I say to her? I had to make a good first impression. Try to keep cool. Try to keep cool.

As she came closer, I could not help but picture her naked in my mind's eye: The long shapely legs, perfectly propotioned. Her hips, moving so slightly back and forth. Her tiny waist, so feminine. Her lush beatiful breasts, swaying back and forth with her steps. I could almost see those breasts pressed against me.

She approached and stopped, very close, and looked into my eyes, waiting for me to speak.

"Whoa,.......Nice Rack!" I said.

Chicks really dig it when you say sensitive shit like that.

My Social Conscience

I was walking along and bumped into a little guy on the sidewalk, yesterday. I don't know if it was my fault or his, but I went ahead and said, "excuse me". He said, "Watch where you are going, dammit". I replied, "Hey, I said I was sorry". He retorted with a sneer, "I don't care".

I thought to myself, "what could bring a person to be so rude?" "Were the choices in his life all wrong, and his anger just a manifestation of his displeasure?" "Did he deserve compassion for his plight?" "Did he deserve pity."

But then I realized he was a lot smaller than me, so I beat the shit out of the little fag.

I Shot An Arrow

"I shot an arrow
High in the air.
It fell to earth,
I know not where"

Well, actually I do know where it fell. There was that fat guy that lives next door. He was looking up, and it hit him right in the center of his forehead. Of course, it wasn't one of those arrows with a pointy end, it was one of those arrows made for little kids that have a suction cup on the end, so it stuck on his forehead and made a kind of 'B,B,B,b,b,b,b,.b,...b,......b, sound.

Now gimme back my arrow, you fat bastard.

Ooops....Wrong Site.

Well there I was, hitting that 'next blog' button, and I came accross some Mexican site or something. I didn't want to appear rude or anything, so I left a message.

"Esca la pida de bundo la sunta. Wusta te lendo nu pinda," is what I typed.

Of course, I don't speak any spanish, so I just made up a bunch of words that look kind of like they might be spanish. I sure hope I didn't cuss out a buncha Mexicans or anything like that. Of course, if I did and they cussed me back, I wouldn't know it. Mainly because I don't speak any of that Mexican gibberish.

I'll Never Understand Women

I was getting ready to go eat dinner with the wife. She got all dressed up, and asked, "Does this make me look too fat?"

I said, 'No Hon, You don't look too fat, you look just fat enough."

Damn, she's pissed at me for something. I wonder what I did now?

The Beautiful Woman Lying Next To Me

As we lay in bed, our naked bodies entwined in the linens, I lay upon my side and gazed at her. She was perfect. Beautiful. She was all I had ever dreamed of.

What was a beautiful woman like this doing with me? Why did she just make passionate love with a real clown like me? And then I remembered why. I had bought her from an advertisement in the back of 'Hustler' magazine. $16.95, on sale. Came with her own pump for easy inflating, also. And three, count 'em, THREE.......erotic openings.

Poetry And Musings.

Alone.
Alone in my thoughts.
Alone with my dreams, their content unknown
to anyone but me.
No one to share with,
No one to cherish.
No one to listen,
and no one to care.
I sit alone in this room,
with no one but me.
It's probably because I have gas.
Really bad.
And it stinks, too.
Damn those beans for dinner
last night.